getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
