the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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