I got chris browned last night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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