guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
