in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
