its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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