so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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