who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
