Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
