You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
