that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
