Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
