you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
