The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We're too hungover to prance.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
