never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
