I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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