Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
