Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
