That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
