Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
