is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
