wakey wakey hands off snakey
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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