Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
