Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
