I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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