dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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