From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
