Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
