So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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