FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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