Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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