there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
