Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I came so hard my ears popped.
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