he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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