I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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