why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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