I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
