the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
