maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
