I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's never too late to be topless.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
