ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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