look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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