I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
