so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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