i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
