im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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