I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
