fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
