Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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