Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
