I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
