we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You've changed since you got that strap on
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
